i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
