As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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