Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just threw up on my dentist
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I can't put those talents on a resume
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
