You made me cry and you don't even care
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
