I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
