$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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