Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
