Me too!
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
