What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Enjoy the penises
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
