I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize