why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Randomize
