im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
