I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
