the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
