my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
