Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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