My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
