I think I am morally bankrupt
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
