Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize