is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
