Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
