You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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