If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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