Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
