It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
