where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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