Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
