Who wears a wallet chain?!
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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