I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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