Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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