that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
