At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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