our cab driver is having phone sex.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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