And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize