I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Randomize
