We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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