Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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