hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize