So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
