I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
