Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize