I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
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