don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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