apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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