Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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