I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
