I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
