hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
