On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize