so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
