He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
