I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
