hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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