Is it normal to miss your booty call?
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
