i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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