When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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