He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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