maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
