ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
