That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
