I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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