I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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