it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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