Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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