we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize