we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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