you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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