It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
