Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
