tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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