I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
